My Complaints About Kmart

There is no ad merchandise

Don't you just love going to a store that doesn't have anything to sell. We ran out of air conditioners after the first three hours of a three day sale.

Rainchecks are stupid

I went to the store to get buy something, but instead I got a stupid piece of paper. Oh joy! now I can wipe my ass.

The corporate office is run by monkeys

Not super-intelligent, genetically engineered monkeys either. No, they are a bunch of drunken, stupid-ass monkeys that get off by throwing shit at each other.

Everyday the prices change

Up and down and up and down the prices just keep moving.

Somebody stole Layaway Jones

And he hasn't been seen since.

Fewer than half the air conditioners in the store are working

It is the hottest store in West Michigan. When its 85 degrees outside, its 82 degrees inside. That's why I'm trying to start a water gun fight in the store. So if you stop in please bring a loaded squirt gun.

Update: Air conditioning seems to be working at the moment. Very bizarre.

Update 2: Only one air conditioner was actually fixed. Not surprising.

Update 3: Most recent attempt to fix AC appears to have work. AND, this is big so sit down, THE BREAK ROOM HAS AIR CONDITIONING!!!

Martha Stewart

I don't think I have to elaborate.

Kmart hates America

I had to work eight hours on the Fourth of July because Kmart is open. I also get to work on Labor Day and Memorial Day, because Kmart is open on those days too. Clearly, Kmart hates America.

Update: I somehow got out of working on Memorial Day, but Kmart was still open, so I stand by my statement: Kmart Hates America.

A good number of customers are dumb as bricks

Lets establish some good rules to make things easier for all of us:

  1. If your car has a working alarm, you should not be shopping at Kmart. You can afford better.
  2. You are not the center of the universe. If you want me to help you, wait until I'm finished helping the customer I am with.
  3. If you aren't going to listen to what I have to say, then please don't ask me any questions. If I say there are none in the back, don't expect me to go look just to make you feel better. I just checked ten minutes ago for the last person who asked for the same thing.
  4. The bathroom has NEVER moved. Do you understand the amount of work that would be involved in moving plumbing around a building? We don't have that kind of money. Feel free to check the same corner of the store the bathroom has always been in before asking where it is.
  5. Everyone gets the same ad as you. Just because I don't have a product in stock when you get to the store doesn't necessarily mean I didn't have any. I have a hard time feeling sorry for someone who waits until an hour before we close on Saturday to come in looking for ad merchandise.
  6. The ad is printed nationally and most ordering is controlled above the store level. As a store we have no control over what is in the ad and little control over how much ad merchandise we have on hand. Is it stupid? Yes, its the Kmart way. Get over it.
  7. If you're going to buy patio furniture, please drive a truck to the store. Not an SUV, not a minivan, A TRUCK. Patio furniture comes in big boxes.
  8. If I'm in the store and I'm wearing a red vest and a name tag don't ask me if I work at the store unless you expect a smart-ass answer.

I work at Kmart

Maybe you didn't understand... I WORK AT KMART!!!

Update: Okay, I don't actually work at Kmart anymore, but it still sucks.

Update 2: Welp, Kmart has basically gone out of business, so I guess I win.

My Kmart pictures

Not technically a complaint. Click to see.